Hello Mit,
First of all, I apologize for replying so late. I do understand making excuses won’t cover-up for such a late reply.
Also, I would like to wish you and your family a very happy, healthy, and prosperous new year.
I tried answering this question one too many times but believe me every time I wrote something I wasn’t satisfied myself with it. Am I right now satisfied with the answer? I don’t know really. This is my take on the Theo’s behaviour towards his counsellor.
For sure Theo’s Bi-polar disorder is one to point towards but I think there is more to it. Few days back, a friend of mine quoted something which made things messier at first but eventually I was able to associate that phrase with the Theo’s behaviour. My friend said and I quote,
" ना-उम्मीदी उनसे पूछिए जिन्हें मरने की उम्मीद हो "
And this is indeed a very heavy phrase having a lot more gravity that usually one can handle. And, reading Theo we can see that for him being at the narrow ledge wasn’t in fact a daring deed but rather an occasional ritual whenever he felt upset as he quotes that “… the town looks prettier and the people look nicer…” (from that ledge).
It will be wrong to say that the counsellor hadn’t impacted Theo at all. He surely did. But, what I experienced reading him was that the Theo was somewhat at meta-state. A little push and he’s gone and will be at new metastable state and won’t be able to attain the status-quo ante. Also, it won’t be wrong to say that he was in love with his death. He, in a manner, acted many times how it felt to be drowned. He rehearsed this act many times in his bathtub. And, he also mentions that it made him feel better. This depicts that the drowning of Virginia in the River Ouse inspired the Theo’s final act. Also, the following excerpt from the book describes this beautifully
“I’m putting on my shoes at the very moment the sky opens up and it starts to pour. By the looks of it we’re talking cold, blinding sleet, so instead of going out for a run, I take a bath. I strip, climb in, water splashing onto the floor, leaving little pools that shake like beached fish. The whole operation doesn’t work well at first because I am twice as long as the bathtub, but the tub is full of water and I’ve come this far, and I have to see it through. My feet rest halfway up the tile of the wall as I go under, eyes open, staring up at the showerhead and the black curtain and plastic liner and the ceiling, and then I close my eyes and pretend I’m in a lake.
– Page 105, All The Bright Places
Water is peaceful. I am at rest. In the water, I am safe and pulled in where I can’t get out. Everything slows down – the noise and the racing of my thoughts. I wonder if I could sleep like this, here on the bottom of the bathtub, if I wanted to sleep, which I don’t. I let my mind drift. I hear words forming as if I’m sitting at the computer already.
In March of 1941, after three serious breakdowns, Virginia Woolf wrote a note to her husband and walked to a nearby river. She shoved heavy stones into her pocket and dove into the water. “Dearest”, the note began, “I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. . . . So I am doing what seems the best thing to do.””
I believe that Theo was seeking hope desperately. And, when Violet walked into his life, she smelled like Hope to him. But I believe what broke Theo was the realization that how broken he was from inside. Sometimes the gravity of something describes how bigger there a void is. This is something analogous to blackhole.
This is my take on the Theo’s ignorance to his counsellor’s words. He was so much self-involved into his thoughts that no voice could ever reached his core except for one, Violet’s. But hope he saw in her made him realize that how doomed he was.
P.S.: I still can’t say whether I am really satisfied with this theory of mine but this the nearest that I can put it into words.
Once again, apologies for late reply.
Wishing you a great year ahead.
Love and hugs,
Anuraj Shrivastava (he/him)
unaskedasylum 
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